All This Love

All this love
up in the air
All this love
I want to share
All this love
I'm sending to you
All this love
comes freely to you.
All this love
so true, so true.

I Always

thought my Aunt Cecil was probably like her mom,
 my grandmother Molly Doshier,
 whom I've never met.
Aunt Cecil and her mom are together again tonight
sharing some good bones.
The circle is never broken.
Death
seems
to
be
the
main
dish
lately.

I am ready for a new menu....

I've been told

 "dying is as natural as being born".

Yeah, well,

being born is ugly and I didn't like the process.

God's Speed

Peace

Anger

What do you do with it?
It is a good motivator.
It usually makes things move
one way
or the other....
I've been told anger is the emotion we choose
when we feel we have

"been done wrong".

For some reason this makes me think of Neil Diamond and Mac Davis.


"Always the songs Martha,
 always the songs"  Neil said.

Martha replies-
"I know it, damn songs are in everything I do."
Martha continues "You know without the songs, there is nothing to sing!"
"But I must sing, Martha, I must!" Neil cries.
"Dont cry Neil, I have been given much love,
 buried many cherished bones,
 and have kept my toys picked up,
 so we have everything we need to write more songs for you to sing."
Neil began singing with great joy and glee.

all righty
then......

First Sight of Green

I saw the first sign of green in the trees today.
 It is just a hint, but it is green.

 It has been very warm since our record cold temps.
I love it!

I am ready for spring.

With all the new life of Spring,
it also brings to me the memory
 of the death
 of my little boy
Luke.
I do re-live those days..
only in my head.
Its no big deal.
It's just memories.
 He got sick on April 21st 1982 at about 4:00 pm.
We buried him April 29th 1982 about 4:00 pm.
I call them
my black days.

Yesterday
my friend Sandra came down
and we went to lunch.
We had some good bones.
You know your in a small New Mexico town
when your cook thinks you want green chili
in your cream gravy.
I ordered a side of green beans, and the cook
thought it said green chili. Why she put it in the gravy, is
like I said......small New Mexican thing.
Sandra wanted her Chicken Fried Steak,
and she got it with green chili cream gravy too.
Another first at my age.  Never have I had green chili cream gravy.
Did we return the plates of green chili cream gravy over Chicken Fried Steak?
Hell no.
We ate it all.
It was really good.
We also found good fortune
as
my friend Tom Toe came in
and sat down with us.
Fellow
 musician
 and Christian
 and Friend.
He ended up buying our lunch,
and sharing a piece of strawberry cheesecake
with us girls.
We felt gifted.
We gathered up the leftovers for the chickens
and headed over to my shop to meet the plumber
who was there fixing the broken pipes.
We got that conquered
and went over to Jakes Guitar Shop.
I had left an amp of Sandra's there for her,
and Jake had tried to fix it.
It was not fixable.
Someone had poked a pencil into the 1/4 inch plug-ins.
We suspect kids or drunk relatives.
Now we are shoppin for a new amp.
We played a couple guitars and Sandra
bought a new tuner.

"I want one, just like hers"
Sounds like a line to one of my songs
ha it is! I really do want one of these new tuners.
It is cool.

Anyway,

we played with Jake and had a good time.
He made a mandolin that I really want..
It is officially on my list of wants and needs.

Sandra headed home.

I talked to Mom and Dad.
Mom had spent all afternoon at the Beauty Shop
there in the home.
She was having a good day.
Lots of love, bones and toys for us all today.....

I Cried

as I walked out of the nursing home tonight.

  Leaving my little mom, and my dad there is heart wrenching.
 It really does feel like your heart is being wrung out like a wet rag.


I count my blessings

 and  accept

 the love.

Big, big bones of love

everywhere.

Verdell
Happy Boy

Verdell
Hungry Boy

I played with my toys for a little while...

I prayed for peace......

You and Yours

You don't know

 what you are made of

 until

you cross the bridge alone

 and carry your stuff

 yourself.

Let it Rain

Yesterday, the roofers fixed our roof!
 Well, they think they did. If it still leaks, he will fix it again.(he swears)
 It has leaked for years now. In the same spots.
Inheriting this house has been a money pit.
I did sleep better, and I prayed for rain.
 It has not rained for over 100 days( we had that dusting of snow during the deep freeze)but it really hasn't rained.   Since that is what I was praying for
I felt favored by God.
Now, I am ready, so let it fly Lord.

My backyard dirt is powder.
We have 49 thirsty trees
and a garden in my dreams.

Falling Pecans

        I went outside to pick up pecans under our trees, and one dropped off and hit me in the ear!
First time that ever happened.
 It hurt too.
Another first-at my age!
  I looked up and a blackbird was trying to get a pecan for herself and a few more fell. Thud, thud, thud.  These pecans are perfectly round and very big.
 When you pick one up and crack it open, and  put it in your mouth, to me it is a little piece of heaven on earth.
  Its as good a little t-bone steak, or the perfect bite of coconut shrimp, or the perfect bite of red-velvet cake.  It is awesome.
Hear-tell they are good for us too.
mmmm.... pecan pie.

The Moon

This picture is kinda cool.  That is a cloud passing thru the moon, and that is a star (Venus) I think.
 I didn't really mean to upload this one, but it happened so I went with it.
It really serves no purpose other than.......cool

Winter Sunrise

Words
 not
 necessary.

 

Verdell

This is a picture of Harley Verdell Yarbrough. He is 4 weeks old in this picture. He was born on October 27, 2004, in Big Spring , Texas.   His Mothers name was Porsha, and his fathers name was Hercules.  We brought him home on November 27, 2004.

That is when the adventure began.

Verdell is a wonderful creature.  He will be 7 years old this year. Wow, they grow up so fast.

 He is a joy and a mess. 

 He was easy to train and never pees or poos in the house, and he understands a lot of what I say.  I saw a video of a dog on TV that can understand 1200 words.

  That is no surprise to me. 

 Through out my life, I have had many dogs, and a few have been very smart. A few have been very stupid. Most are just average dogs.

 Dogs are no different from we are. You get out of something exactly what you put into it and expect out of it.

 Well, most of the time. 

  At any time, things could always go nuts. Robbers, earthquakes, fires, famine, death.

  All sorts of things.

 You know, you live here too.

Verdell woke me up around 6:30 this am. He puts his nose right in my face and has a smile on that big ole nose. He is so pretty.  He still has those 3 freckles on each side of his nose.

 Justin has a few days off, so he didn't get up at 4:10 a.m. like he usually does. He lets Verdell and Spur (our 12 year old blue healer who is deaf) outside to pee.  By 6:30, Verdell has waited as long as he wants. He trots around and is always looking back to make sure I haven't detoured. 

It has been record setting cold but Verdell loves it.  He doesn't want to come in the house all day.  He loves it outside.  

The White German Shepard has been added as a recognized breed by the group that does such things.  

  He should be in the movies!

He can sing too!

I Don't Drink Coffee

I don't drink coffee, but I sure mess with it a lot.
      It became a sore spot with me because for the last couple of years before my parents moved to the nursing home, Mom started asking me if I wanted to drink a cup of coffee with her. I have my beloved Diet Coke, I am fine, thank you.  I don't drink coffee.  It hurts my stomach.  I love the smell though.  Mom knows all that. She has known that about me for 52 years.   Well, she sometimes knows that. It was a red flag that something was going on in her brain.
   The  beginning signs of dementia.
    When I really realized what it was, I would go home and cry. It was the realization that Mom was going down. Little by little she started doing things MY mom would never do.
 Leaving food out and uncovered.
 Missing the trash can, and not notice or care.
 Not want to go to Church.
Anxiety about the oven getting too hot and starting a fire.
I could go on and on.  Looking back it is pretty clear.
     Her doctor finally diagnosed her about 3 years ago. Her brain is shrinking. She is getting old.  She has dementia.
     So, her coffee drinking became more of an issue after she moved because she wasn't getting as much of it as she used to.  She became dehydrated which leads to awful bouts of dementia.
     Now, the nurses have her coffee for her when she gets up, or Dad goes to the kitchen and fills their carafe and they have it in their room.
      We still have coffee and Diet Coke, or hot chocolate and talk about everybody. The hot chocolate machine at the home is pretty nice and the hot chocolate is perfect.  Just stick your cup under the thing.....
   Monday,  she asked how Bud and Virginia were doing, she hasn't seen them in a while.........
Bud and Virginia have been dead for years now...........
.................I said,  " I don't know, maybe we will hear from them soon."
She smiled......
I cried inside....
..but at least she smiled.
     Back to messing with coffee.....
     Justin has to have his coffee in the mornings.  We have this unspoken thing we do------I make his coffee so that it is ready in the mornings and he keeps me in my beloved Diet Coke.
                                     If I am really mad at him, I won't make the coffee and therefore he has no coffee ready when he wakes up.
 He knows if I don't make the coffee, he is in some serious stuff.............
      I know it makes him so mad to have to get out the filters, get out the coffee, fill up the pitcher, pour the water, measure the coffee, put the filter in right so the top will snap shut, turn on the machine, put the coffee up, put the filters up, wipe up the spilled coffee grinds you spilled. Now, after all that, he is now a few minutes off of his morning routine,  he will not recover the rest of the day.....poor baby.  I usually make the coffee of a morning, so by the end of the day, if he has made me mad and I have already made the coffee........Oh well... I could pour some salt on top of the coffee grounds........... hummmmm.  I must say I have only thought about pouring salt in his coffee....... I have never done it.....haha.  He has however, let me run out of Diet Coke, but not very often. On Saturdays, he really thinks he has the world by the tail if I bring him a cup of coffee in bed while he watches the car auction..Justin's Heaven on Earth.
  I call him my fuzzy little man peach.
He is pretty fuzzy and cute.
I better go make the coffee......Want a cup?

Hot Soapy Water

      I have always felt that I was special because I am an American.  I am born on the 4th of July, I don't know if that means anything at all, but I am very patriotic.
       I have always felt thankful that I am free, and that I have hot, running as long as I want, really hot, clean water.  I stand under the hot spray of water and say, "thank-you lord for this hot, clean water. It feels so good."
      I have always loved my bath and shower times, no matter where I happen to be. Some of my best times had been in the tub........I can dehydrate my self like a shrimp boil within an hour.
      I took a thank-you lord shower today.  It has been 4 days since Justin or I either one has showered.  wooo hoooo hooo hooo!  The water came back on about 2:30 pm.  I kinda scared me when it started running. There were lots of strange gurgles and stuff.
       The temperature got up to 38. It is supposed to get really cold again next week, but we will be prepared for it. Or we better be. This has not been fun, no water.
      I put all the dirty dishes in a trash bag and then in an ice chest and Justin was supposed to take it outside because it smells REALLY BAD,but he forgot so the kitchen smells horrible.  The drain is gross.  It froze too.
    I miss my dish washer.    
     It made me think about a poem  I wrote several years ago for my Mom  about doing dishes so I thought I would share:

HOT SOAPY WATER
I walk into the kitchen and what do I see?
A pile of dirty dishes staring straight at me.
They never disappear unless under my hand.
For hours and hours in the same place I stand.
So after its done and from the kitchen I todder,
Thank God I love, Hot Soapy Water

 My Mom has done a lot of dishes. I tried to always help her.
      I didn't get to talk to her or Dad today.  I called them several times, but they didn't answer.  Mom broke her left arm in 3 places on December 22.  My Mom is the toughest little woman in the world. I mean she is tough.
        Its hard to believe they have lived in the nursing home for a year now.
        Mom thinks she just got there.  The fall reminds her of the fall that originally put her in the hospital a year  and a half ago.  Some days she is ok, others she is not mentally all there.
       I feel like I let go of her alittle at a time.
       I miss talking to my real mom.  The smart mom.  The silly mom.  The young mom.     The healthy mom.  My mom.
  So it goes.
      Mom always taught me to count my blessings, and once you really start counting, they are too numerous to count, so you realize how blessed you really are. Remember, it could ALWAYS be worse.  Mom was right about that.
   After my lovely shower, I didn't want to get dirty cleaning up the kitchen, so I didn't.  I started playing with my toys and like Verdell, I became content and happy.  I drummed for a while and then worked on my sewing project.  I have gotten in to quilting, even tho I have done NO quilting, I have been sewing some crap and its working me up to sewing some cool clothes for my self.   I want to make some curtains for my room and make Verdell a back-pack thing to carry stuff on his back.  I bet he would love it.
     I tried also to email our Christmas song to my friend Ron.  We recorded it a few years ago, and the file types are old and not compatable and  I have had trouble getting the thing right. I haven't heard from him, but that doesn't mean a thing.
     I am going to record it again. Just guitar and vocals.
     Sandra called this am. We are excited about doing the singer/songwriter night on Thursday nite.  She says she has been practicing.   We need to practice together to get a set down.  I have about 7 originals I could do. Justin has probably about 10.  I am trying to get our music room set up again.......I 've been wanting to blast my bass..........
I've been grooving to Rusted Root..........they have some toys......oh oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah.

Jill McCasland

    

The Greatest of These is Love

     I think we all understand what I mean when I speak of love.  We love each-other. We love our country. We love certain foods. Love, we understand.

     Bones, I may need to explain.

Bones mean the heart of the matter.  What something is made of,  Its constitution. Its what makes a rose a rose. Bones make me, me and make you, you. Bones are food. Bones can mean many things. One of my bones today was banana pudding. Great bone.

   Toys are pretty self-explainitory.  Toys, things that are fun.  Things that bring us joy. Toys aren't just material things, but can be spiritual and imaginary as well.  We all have our favorite toys. My fiddle, my sewing machine, my stuff. I love to play. I love to cook, I love to create.

     I truely believe love is the salvation of us all.  All we have to do is fill every humans heart with love, and the world would be fine.  Yes, I am a dreamer, but I am not the only one.  

     I first used the expression Love, Bones, and Toys, playing with my German Shepard dog Verdell.  He is a magnificent dog and I love him alot. He is the first dog I ever had that really liked the Milkbone dog biscuits. We would leave the box open and let him have one anytime he wanted. He loved it. Still does.  He would gather his toys and get a bone and just be happy.  He has it all.  All the love, all the bones, and all the toys.  Verdell is the happiest dog in the world. Really.  I will share  the stories I wrote about him as a puppy. He was always doing something. Verdell will be 7 years old this year, in October. They grow up so fast......Verdell has given me alot of love.

     This is my first blog, so I don't know where to start, stop or get off. 

     I will tell you this...Today was the coldest day I can ever remember.  Its 4 degrees right now. It was 15 below wind chill factor.  It's not supposed to get above freezing for 2 more days, and my water has been frozen for 2 days now.     

   You don't know what you've got till its gone.......yeah buddy.  

     It's a mystery why the water went off when it did.  I don't know why I still have water in the laundry room, but no where else.  I probably have a water leak out side somewhere, and it will unthaw and then we can find it.  I know I am tired of this not having any water. I like running water and flushing toilets!

      Thank God Justin brought water home for us. Lots of good love and bones today. Not much time for toys. Thats ok, I know where they are.